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Things That Happened On My First Day At Target
-Sold lingerie to an eighty year old woman
-Got a free salted caramel frappacino from the suspectedly gay barista, Parker
-Sold a bra to the mom of a sixteen year old girl who was cringing the entire time
-Had a very engaging conversation with a three year old boy about colors. We both like blue.
-Served an old woman who I thought had an impressive mustache, but it was just nose hair
-Watched her and two other women with her get trapped between two sets of automatic doors because they did not understand how to open them. How they got through the first set, I still do not know.
-Sold fifteen gallons of kitty litter to a soccer mom who refused to break eye contact
-Got a second free starbucks drink. This one was a pumpkin pie one that wasn’t even on the menu. I like this barista man.
-Gave dozens of children stickers. Several of them squealed when they got them. This is the best part of my job.
-Sold an old man $200 of furniture and got him to sign up for a Target credit card. Before he finished the last step, he turned and walked away with his cart without a word.
-He still hadn’t paid. I called him back and he apologized, saying “sorry, sometimes my diabetes makes me do that.” He didn’t finish getting the card.
-A woman came up with $220 of items. After a wad of coupons and a stack of free gift cards from other promotions, her total went down to $55. I want her to teach me.
-Saw a girl skipping down the aisle in what can only be described as a pink princess fairy wedding dress. She was filled with happiness and if I hadn’t been on the clock I would have taken her. At the very least, I want that outfit for my own.
-Got approached by a large man named Jason. He told me not to steal. I will take this advice to heart.
-Met a woman referred to only as The Cat Lady. She asked if I wanted her to buy me a keychain from Ross. I told her I had no keys. She nodded solemnly and walked away, whispering their exact location inside Ross, just in case.
-Got called into the HR Head’s office at the end of my shift. I was expecting to be yelled at for some reason. She and another lead showered me in compliments for ten minutes straight, saying a lot of managers had been saying great things about me all day. Not what I expected, but I’ll take it.
Day Two:
-Intimidating farmer man in overalls and pigtails came through my checkout. He bought a bucket. He spoke no words. He made no eye contact. He left me with questions.
-Three college boys came through, each buying spandex and makeup wipes. They spoke no words. They made too much eye contact. They left me with more questions. I question when this job will provide answers.
-A three year old came through, pushed by his personal chauffeur. He bought one small Spider-Man onesie. He carried out the entire transaction on his own. He was the most polite customer I have had so far.
-Three people walked away without their change. Only two returned.
-A man bought thirty light bulbs with a coupon. He told me he did not need thirty light bulbs. He just likes coupons.
-He then walked to customer service, claiming to have returned several things he did not mean to. He then walked a lap around the store and left. He did not leave the store with his light bulbs. They were nowhere to be found.
-A customer came through looking nervous. She leaned over the counter. She whispered to me. Someone had pooped in the baby supplies aisle. All evidence pointed to it not being a baby.
Day Three:
-Two children came through the line. They were chanting to their mom through heavy streams of tears. “WE WANT STICKERS MOMMY.” There were no stickers at any of the registers. They continued crying. I failed my people.
-An old woman bought five bottles of wine and a large bottle of vodka. Her license told me she had lived through World War II. Her smile told me she was still living.
-I sorted through the candy in the checkout lanes. I was meant to set aside candy that had expired in the last month. A box of Kit Kats was found that had expired in February of 2015. One was missing. I hope the poor sap is okay.
-Clearance school supplies have arrived. A man bought 71 spiral notebooks for $6. A woman bought 110 folders for $4. I hope they meet each other. I would like to see the child of two math problem characters.
-A bearded man named Rusty came through. I sold him a bottle of Crystal Light powder and a gallon of water. The powder was empty. The water jug had an inch of pink water left in it. How long has he been inside the store already. His beard intimidated me too much to ask.
-An elderly man in a fedora pushed two full carts into my lane. They were both filled to the brim. He bought 52 12-packs of Mountain Dew. 12 were diet. He repeatedly told me he was 80 years old. As I handed him his receipt, he leaned in and whispered, “I’m going to get DRUNK.” He pointed at his carts, smiled at me, and scurried away with his definitively alcoholic purchase. I wonder if he knows. I wonder if he cares.
Day Four:
-The store is having a 10% off your entire purchase sale. I have a coupon to scan if anyone asks for it. I scan it if people don’t ask for it if they’re nice to me. I don’t scan it if they’re rude. Power is a new sensation. Power is a good sensation.
- Because of the sale, we have been flooded with guests itching for a bargain. When I need to go on my break, the manager has to stand in front of the line and tell people to go somewhere else. As the line died down, I prepared to leave. A new wave of people approached. She whispered to me “run as soon as you can.” I did not see her after my break.
-An old man comes through the line and loudly announces that “this is a cash thing. No cards!” His clarity is appreciated, but also questioned.
-A young man follows him. He jokes, “this is a card thing. No cash!” His smile shows he was a kind man. His joke shows he was a dad.
-A confused teenager follows after. He whispers, “……….cash”. He thinks he has to announce his payment type. I do not correct him.
-Children continue to handle their own transactions. This makes my day good. One girl had her own wallet and told me “thank you for your help, sir”. This makes my day great.
- Five hours into my shift, I discover small figurines of Bambi and Pluto behind my register screen. Knowing that I am experiencing the happiest place on earth for a bargain price is nice.
-A customer purchased hard salami. The store sells a product called hard salami. How anyone can work or shop here with a straight face remains beyond me.
-A small girl waits in the cart as her mother pays for her transaction. She decides she had enough. She shouts, “Let me out of here!” She attempts to leave the cart. She realizes the walls are too tall. She sits down and accepts her fate with a shocking level of grace.
-A grown man sees a coloring book on a shelf. He calls after his wife, who has already walked away. “There’s a coloring book here. This is just pitiful.” No one has any response for this.
-I met a man who looked like Harry Potter if, instead of getting out of the cupboard at age eleven, he stayed in there for fifteen more years with nothing but Red Bull and My Chemical Romance albums.
-A woman gets 69 cents back in change. I know that I will likely get reprimanded if I make a 69 joke to a customer. I do not speak to the customer any further. I am trying to decide if it is worth losing my job or not.
-A little girl in basketball shorts kicks the candy rack multiple times. I expect her to turn around and show that she is throwing a fit. Instead, she seems calm and please. She is having the time of her life. I look forward to seeing where life takes her.
-A child in my lane gets a toy. A child in the next lane yells at him for having a toy when he does not. Toy-having child prepares to throw the toy at toy-lacking child. Parents pick up their respective children. Thus ends the Baby Feud of 2016.
Day Five:
-I open my register. An octogenarian woman approaches. She purchases bras and lingerie. I cry on the inside. It is too early for these images.
-A small girl helped me put her parents bags into their cart. Every time I hand her a bag, she digs through it, announcing which things are hers and which are her parents, and putting her parents’ items in the cart without the bag. They did not earn the bag and she treats them accordingly.
-A group of old people came on a field trip to Target and spent ten minutes discussing the new Jungle Book movie before buying a copy. Their reviews were overwhelmingly positive and gleeful.
-The DVD ran $18.94. The group banded together, pulling out every coin they could find to ensure they gave me exact change. They must have had ten dollars in coins between them. The strength of their teamwork inspired me. The depth of their pockets confounded me.
-A fly flew directly into my nostril before bouncing around and making a swift exit. I was more impressed by its aim than bothered by its decisions.
-A woman seemingly stepped out of the 19th century prairie to purchase a frappucino. I think her dress was handmade. Her head scarf still had a price tag.
-An old couple came through my lane to purchase gardening tools. Anytime one of them turned their back to the other, they would be tickled without warning or mercy. I believe I have just had a glimpse into my future.
-A very angry old man pulled two full carts through. He purchased a Twix bar, a bottle of Diet Pepsi, 36 pairs of underwear, and 262 adult diapers. I believe I have just had another glimpse into my future.
The best video ever posted on the internet is the scene from american psycho where they’re comparing business cards but someone edited it so they’re comparing like ridiculous forum signatures
where i want to see this
okay but you thinking it tastes good doesn’t excuse how fucked up the milk industry is or make it okay to support lmao y’all selfish
Ok bitch listen the fuck up
I am about to get my cert 2 in agriculture. I just studied for two years about this shit. I live in a dairy town - 70% of my district is dairy. I have lived breathed and worked C O W S for almost 730 days. Sit your uneducated ass down and listen to an expert.
Do you have any idea how difficult this industry is to work in cause animal welfare nuts like you have no idea what theyre talking about? We HAVE to treat our animals with care and respect, not just becuase some dumb bint doesnt understand how cows react to being ill, but because its our job. They feed us. They are our jobs. They are living breathing beasts just like us, and they deserve care and respect.
So lets break down that video, if youll lend me your attention for another five minutes. Cows are not immediately taken away from their mother. They are allowed to stay with their mother for one day, which is when they recive an important immuno boost froom their mothers milk - which will allow them to survive their first few months of life. Before their mother is too attached to them, they are put in hutches, which keep them safe from cold, cars, and predators, which cows cant fight while producing milk becuase all of their energy is used for all their milk. Calfs are being protected the best way we can protect them.
We feed them all the high-cell count milk by the way - which is alot anyway; cos newsflash my veggie-guzzling pals, cows make too much milk for their calf to feed on. Thats why we harvest it. They have a surplus. Growing calves require 5 litres a day, if that. Cows produce 30 litres a day. Thats 25 litres that would be sitting in a cows udder, opening the way for infection (as teat infection comes primarily from teats ducts not closing, becuase theyre still full of milk) and exhaustion, becuase 25 litres of milk is 25 extra kilos hanging between your legs. Not fucking fun.
Also, sexual exploitation? Do you not? Realise that the whole purpose of an animals life, accordig to their very own instincts, is reproduction? No other purpose. Literally none. Cows cant become doctors, or teachers or rocket scientists. They cant. All they can do is eat, shit, breathe, moo and eventually die. When we take the excess milk, we also make that rather mundane 20-year lifespan and make it much cushier. They mature at 18 months, by the way. Not 12. Plus, cows actually dont reach maturity and full growth stages until theyve been pregnant once. Their bones dont finish solidifying until theyve had one calf, which opens the birth canal and helps their pelvis accommodate walking.
The whole reason you think that this is them being mistreated is becuase you dont understand that they dont get pregnancy issues like we do. They also have nothing else to do in their lives. Cows have emotions and deserve respect, but they are not people, and the same standards one sets for the treatment of people should not be the standard one expects of treatment of a cow.
Bulls are huge, and will hurt the cow. Always. We artificially inseminate becuase its faster, safer and more likely to result in confirmed pregnancy. It also reduces the occurrence of birth defects. Cows colons are huge. Theyre three times the size of us. An arm going up there is in no way harmful, and actually helps us identify cow health. I guess maybe the reason you think that thats gross is because fisting hurts humans so much. Refer to my previous “cow standards =/= human standards” statement you kinky pricks.
Cows are not emotionally and physically exhausted by milking. Thats it. thats all i have to say on that matter. They are fed, their health is checked on constantly and they are surrouned by a herd or at least a few other cows 24/7. Theyre mentally and emotionally fucking solid, ok? They are usually totally and completely unfazed their entire lives. The only thing that can really stress out a cow is a human worker acting like a dick. Theyre not that emotionally complicated.
Okay. Sick cows. Guess what? Cows cant tell us when theyre sick. This comes from the fact that theyre herbivores. Sickness or injury makes them a target for predators. So they shut the fuvk up and try to ignore it. What champs. But seriously, cows make 0 fuss when theyre sick. Those cranes? Downed cows sometimes dont get enough calcium, becuase their body poured its entire reserve into the milk. So they will lie down, not make a sound and wait for death, basically. The longer shes down the harder it is for her to get up, so we have to pump calcium into her from a bag and hold her up so her legs dont a t r o p h y underneath her.
Bobby calves, or male calves, are sold for veal. It is the darkest secret in the dairy industry and we are not proud of it. But their throats are not slit. All cows that are killed for beef are shot in the precise spot on their head that will kill them instantly and painlessly.
Listen, i dont mind if you want to swear off beef or pork or whatever. Fine. You do you. But ask someone whos actually educated on this subject before you attempt to paint millions of hard working people as animal abusers becuase you dont understand how something works, or use that misinformation to try and make people agree with you.
tastefullyoffensive